On the other side of the basement Pulp-Fictionesque hillbilly gangbang was poor Nick. Uncle Joe came down HIS chimney with the unholy triple-team of DeSean Jackson, Chris Johnson, and Ryan Grant who put up 95 and change by themselves (more than enough to beat 4 teams outright this week, including Tom's team, which still sucks). Unlike Butch and Marcellus Wallace, Nick and Tom did not escape the basement. If you move Nick's ball gag to the side, he'll likely whimper something about "strength of schedule" between moans.

Paul's warriors, led by the coolly efficient and enthusiastic helmsmanship of Randy Moss, brought their A-game this week (Moss, however, thinks the "a" is for "apathy"). All others, including the record-setting performance of Brandon Marshall and his "twenty-one ways to skin a Colt" act helped in the victory. It is telling that Marshall's record receptions performance was still the 2nd best in terms of fantasy value for the "Biznass." Splaine's boys turned in mediocre performances all, not bad enough to be sent to the principal's office, but not good enough to get a handjob from the French teacher either.

Dan T. continued his roll over Kevin with solid but unremarkable totals from his team. He did lose Kevin Smith to a season ending injury and surgery, but this chink in the armor may be too little too late. Kevin's nighttime crank call threats to Adrian Peterson finally paid off, resetting his nickname back to “All Day” from the suggested nickname of “All day Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, except for cigarette breaks or when my soap opera is on.”

Jeremie’s overachieving Hakeem Nicks joined Sir Scoresalot Brees and the Hash Pipe Harrier to remind Marc that it doesn’t matter how good your kicker is- if he is your top scorer, you're screwed.

In the final game, the closest showing of the week, a stand out performance by...what? Jamaal Charles?!?! He rescued Chris from a limp Phillip Rivers showing to squeak the Wyld ones past Eddie, despite solid numbers from McNabb, Rice and Snelling. Don’t be angry Eddie- at least a close game makes you want to keep watching football instead of abandoning your team for five hours of Antique Roadshow. I mean, Tom actually handed his girlfriend the remote on a Sunday.

THIS WEEK'S $20 WINNER:
Dan L., 154.5 points

HIGHEST SCORING PLAYER:
Chris Johnson (Uncle Joe), 36.6 points

TOYOTA "ASS RAPING OF THE WEEK":
Uncle Joe beats Nick by 83.05 points

SCORES:
Dan L.- 154.5, Tom- 83.06
Uncle Joe- 152.53, Nick- 69.48
Dan T.- 116.7, Kevin- 95.04
Jeremie- 141.77, Marc- 107.8
Paul- 149.26, Mike- 94.76
Chris- 117.01, Eddie- 114.1

STANDINGS (Records):
1. Dan T. (13-1)
2. Uncle Joe (11-3)
3. Paul (8-6)
4. Jeremie (8-6)
5. Dan L. (8-6)
6. Tom (7-7)
7. Chris (6-8)
8. Eddie (6-8)
9. Kevin (5-9)
10. Mike (5-9)
11. Nick (4-10)
12. Marc (3-11)

STANDINGS (Points):
1. Paul (1749.44)
2. Uncle Joe (1738.05)
3. Dan T. (1696.19)
4. Jeremie (1636.59)
5. Chris (1603.77)
6. Eddie (1573.49)
7. Dan L. (1564.91)
8. Kevin (1539.66)
9. Kevin (1525.65)
10. Nick (1482.8)
11. Tom (1461.82)
12. Mike (1414.5)

THIS WEEK'S MATCHUPS:
Jeremie (Shorn Beaver) vs. Kevin (Motor City Madman)
Eddie (Armenian Assassins) vs. Paul (Strictly Business)
Chris (Wyld Stallions) vs. Dan L. (Hebrew Hammer)
Dan T. (Inferno) vs. Uncle Joe (Mongrels)
Mike (Malicious Intent) vs. Marc (Ron Mexico's Shi-Tzu)
Nick (Purple People Eaters) vs. Tom (SD Spankfest)

MATCHUP-OF-THE-WEEK
Dan T. vs. Uncle Joe. If you need an explanation why...

LEAGUE NEWS & NOTES:
-There is not only a Thursday night game (Indy vs. Jacksonville), but also a Saturday night game (New Orleans vs. Dallas).
-If Dan T. beats Uncle Joe this week, he will clinch his second straight records title.

THE "POOP LIST"
No one made the "poop list" this week.